SAYA AKAN MEMBENTUK DUNIA

Saya akan ingat bahwa saya bisa melakukan sesuatu yang saya menetapkan pikiran saya untuk. saya bisa mencapai tujuan apa pun, memenuhi keinginan apapun, dan mencapai bintang apapun. saya akan melihat ke arah besok dengan keyakinan bahwa saya bisa membuatnya lebih baik. saya akan tahu bahwa masa depan yang cerah dalam jangkauan saya. selama saya memiliki kekuatan untuk terus mencoba, keberanian untuk terus berjuang, dan kepercayaan diri untuk tetap percaya pada diri sendiri.

saya akan ingat untuk menjalani hidup dan menikmatinya. saya akan ingat untuk membuat hari-hariku bahagia, untuk mengisi hidup saya dengan cinta, untuk memperlambat dan menghargai setiap saat. aku akan ingat apa yang paling penting dalam hidup.

and i will shape my world around it.

BETTER THAN SUNSET

hey. 
these past two days.. i hardly feel a thing.. i cant feel my feet touching the ground, my heart is thumping like a mad horse, i cant even catch up my own beat.. the end is coming, maybe this is a death note.
well, i guess, in the end, we all starts thinkin about the beginning.. it's been great knowing you all, enough despise

"the end of the world is coming
and im going to have unfinished business.

if today be the day that i die,
then tomorrow is just another day i will never see"

scratch that.

why am i so dark? when there's light shining all over me, rays that she reflected from the very first time i laid my eyes on her fire flamed eyes. 

hello.

is there anyone there?

hello.

is it just me for being small or the universe got so big?

SOMETHING TO YOUR LIFE

The world may have turned against you

the world may have said something bad about you

maybe you've done something bad

maybe you've been bad

you just keep going, alright?

because not everything you do in this world is right to others

just

do

whatever

you

think

is

best

for

you

karena mungkin ternyata yang terbaik kepada orang lain

karena segala sesuatu terjadi karena suatu alasan

dan Anda berada di sini karena suatu alasan

dan Anda membaca ini karena suatu alasan

jadi

bergerak

pergi dan membuat perbedaan

Anda tidak akan pernah tahu sampai Anda kehilangan kesempatan Anda

dan bagi saya,

i never regret all the things that i've done

i only regret things that i didn't do

because i try to do it all.






have you done something to your life today?

TODAY

Today like any other i'll make sure
to remind my self to forget the unforgettables
and one of them was you

well sadly,
the worst thing about the end of the day, is that tomorrow it will start all over again

EVERY SINGLE MOMENT

It’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. Then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.

(180808) 18 AGUSTUS 2008

6 feet times 8
so i count the size of this room.

2 DAYS
still no reply.

this square room is starting to choke on me
as it witnessed me being a worthless shit

stop laughing at me!

the walls keep pointing its finger at me

"loser"

"loser"

why? what did i lose?

i keep typing with eyes to the computer screen

still no reply

the walls wont stop laughing

"loser"

"loser"

yes, im a sucker for love

i was expecting a small talk or whatsoever

maybe a bit of "how are you" here and a bit of "what are you up to?" there

no.

37 times i changed the channel

still no reply



should i say it?

umm.. i'll say it right here..



"i miss you"





(blank)

will you regret it somehow if i love you no more?

UNANSWERED

"kog sering keluar sendiri?"

frequently asked question of the week
emang sih sering pergi sendiri, entah kenapa aku menikmati itu

i really do enjoy life.
i'm just not so good at it.

so in the meantime,
the question remains unanswered

CAPABLE

Entah kenapa aku merasa ada yang ganjil belakangan ini dengan omongan-omongan orang yang aku gak tau apakah itu menjadikan keputusan kedepan lebih baik apa engga, namanya orang mereka selalu mempunyai cara pandang yang berbeda, apakah ada cara pandang yang salah? yang aku tau cuma keputusan yang salah. menurutku seorang yang sering mengambil keputusan yang salah adalah orang yang akan berhasil dimasa depan, karena dengan keputusan yang salah orang mengambil keputusan yang benar pada akhirnya, dan orang yang tidak pernah merasakan kegagalan tidak akan bertahan bila apa yang dijalaninya selama ini tiba2 salah ditengah jalan. it's the wrong way to think, but the right way to win. Beruntung karena dimasa lalu aku sering mengambil keputusan yang salah.
aduh jadi sok dewasa nulis2 ginian, gpp namanya jg nulis, keluarin aja deh sekalian..
ada apa ya didepan sana? manusia takut sama masa depan, seperti manusia takut kegelapan, karena tidak tau apa yang ada di dalam sana. begitu menyalakan lampu baru semua keliatan, dan perasaan jadi aman. kayanya yang msti aku lakukan sekarang adalah mencari saklar lampu yang bisa nyalain lampu paling terang di hidupku. dan untuk menemukan itu aku juga pasti akan menemukan beberapa saklar lampu yang malah menyesatkan..
inti dari semuanya adalah, it's ok to fall, don't be afraid to fail, just keep going, you'll know what you're really capable of...

ENTAH SIAPA

If you were a t-shirt
i will tumble dry low

if you were a shoe
i will not forget to tie

if you were a tv show
i will not change the channel

if you were a fancy clothes
i will wear you to the prom







and
if you were my girlfriend,
i will be a happier guy

THE END

days ago, i thought i have found atlantis under the sea.. i thought my adventure to the deepest ocean of this so called love life was getting somewhere.. i saw something majestic, something bright at the end of the darkest tunnel.. 

"is this it? is this atlantis?"

a great city that i've built once and time lost it, atlantis is a metraphore for something great; my love, my pride, my victory, my glory, my dreams, my joy, my purpose, my last destination

there were so many choices, but i made my decision

"this should be atlantis.. no more looking, dana. this should be it." i said to myself

i have to make my decision.

her. i chose her over the others, she has won this heart. this mind. she has to be it. has to be.

i ignored her too long until she finally caught my attention.

from the midnight talks to the time that leads to her very first kiss.

me.

i guess it wasnt the wisest decision, but i surely had a good time, and i bet she had one too with me.

"no, this isn't atlantis" i said to myself.

she built a city in my ruin just to watch it burn and see if i could escape.

na-ah.. scratch that, i dont blame her for anything. 

maybe this is atlantis, but it wasnt ready to be found yet.

so i left a note written on paper and marker, not pencil, that says,

"i will be back when the time is right, i will fix you, i will build you, i will take care of you, i will make you stronger, and i will make sure you'll never be lost again, ever"

bye atlantis..

it's the end of an era and a start for everything

now i understand something that i didnt understand before..

that all these times,

red is covering atlantis

it was there all along.

take notes that even i wont say again the words "i love you" ever again, i will always still do

have a good one,

buddy

NEVER (DELETING)

i want this

now

even

more

than i've wanted this

before.

i don't know what to do

i'm so lost.

i'm so tired

and i don't know what i'm talking about anymore

but

i want this.

you just remember that.

EVEN IN MY SLEEP

and sometimes i do cry in my sleep

cause i just cant cry in real life

cause i just thought real life sometimes aint real enough



GAH

scratch that

i dont cry

even in my sleep

this blog is so cheesy

SEBELUM HARI INI

Sebelum hari ini, cinta adalah kita

Sebelum hari ini, rindu tak pernah biru.

Sebelum hari ini,
memelukmu adalah hangat,
sehangat rasa kita yang menyatu.

Lalu,
apa yang dapat kau gambarkan tentang hari ini?
Perpisahan?
Akhir dari perjalanan?
Genggaman tangan yang sengaja kita lepaskan?
Atau bahkan awal baru,
sebagai tahap akhir dari selamat tinggal?

Kurasa bukan itu, bukan itu semua.
Hari ini adalah hari dimana kita saling tersenyum
dengan pandangan tetap memandang ke depan,
lalu kita akan berikrar dalam hati masing-masing

"Kau harus bahagia, karena melepaskanmu tidak pernah mudah."

CARA PERTAMA

MOVE ON, cara pertama untuk menuju move-on adalah dengan menerima kenyataan bahwa memang kita sudah tidak bisa lagi bersama dengan seseorang yang sangat kita sayang itu. Penerimaan terhadap kenyataan akan mempermudah hati kita untuk menuju rela dan ikhlas yang sesungguhnya. Dan tentu ini akan membuat hati kita siap untuk menerima seseorang yang baru.

MANIS

Saat perpisahan mengisi jeda di antara kita aku menyadari satu hal, bahwa aku belum benar-benar mengenalmu. Karna, bagaimana mungkin orang yang dulu begitu peduli, sekarang dengan mudahnya dia mengacuhkan rinduku.

GOING SOUTH

see the stars unmade

make way for the memories remain
and ignore the good ones
watch it burn tonight

the world is never good enough for you
and i'm dying not to see you

you have a place in me and always do

don't think to go back to the alley you know it's true

the wounds im healing from your goodbyes

is the reason im still here tonight
despise, abhorrence, and detestation 

in conclution is the reason to forget

you're just adding "I" in misery and pain to me

letting go is so much easier than moving on

watch it burn tonight 

it's the reason im still here tonight 

wreck my heart apart
forget my promise not to let you go

I'AM SUCH AN IDIOT CAUSE YOU

• D: you know sometimes i still think of ways to win you back, because i'd always kinda hoped that maybe, we'd, you know.. get back together and that..... but you know, when i heard that you're with.. you know.....
• (pause)
• D: i know - i know - i know it's the height of hypocrisy and i know-- doin this isn't gonna change anything.. or--or make anything better, but ummmmmmmm..
• (sigh)
• D: i'd just-- i'd settle for your respect.
• (tempo decreased, lower volume)
• D: you know, i'd settle for you smiling... when you thought about the time that we had together and not thinkin' it was a waste of time..
• (pause)
• D: you know, i mean, i know i didn't do you any favours back then, ok? i did a stupid, stupid, stupid thing.
• (punchline)
• D: but it was only because i thought that spoiling your day was better than ruining your life.... does that make any sense?
• (closure)
• D: i'm such an idiot.

MIMPI = NYATA

Pernah ngerasain dimana kamu di kejar sebuah mimpi di saat engkau tidur dan mimpi itu berulang hadir di setiap tidurmu. dimana dengan orang orang yang sama mungkin kata orang hanya ketakutan sehingga terbawa ke mimpi atau takdir. hanya tuhan yang tahu.

Entah apa yang ada di pikiranku sehingga mimpi itu hadir di setiap malam selama 4 hari, kebetulan? mudah-mudahan saja. dia dan kekasihnya seperti menekanku dan membuatku menjadi kecil seperti gajah yang siap menginjak semut. good damn. i hate this moment!

atau ini balasan tuhan? god never sleep, i know that!

sangat ingin sekali keluar dari semua ini dan menjalani sesuatu tanpa tekanan. tanpa aku sadari aku tertekan dan aku kalah. seakan terbuang dan mengalah. saat dirinya tertawa hanya tangisan yang hadir di sini dan tersiksa. 

tapi aku yakin dan percaya aku mampu keluar dari semua ini. BELIEVE!